My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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