She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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