I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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