Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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