the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You should frame my arrest warrant.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize