Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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