this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize