Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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