Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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