So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize