It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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