I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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