You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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