I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
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she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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