Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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