One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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