I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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