i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
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I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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