i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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