im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have tasted many bathrooms
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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