I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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