A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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