I showed him my bush... on skype.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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