she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize