how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize