Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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