$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
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if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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