No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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