I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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