I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's shark week go big or go home
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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