brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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