i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize