i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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