Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Still dying that you shit outside
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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