i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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