His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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