In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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