That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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