1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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