The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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