The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You are the jesus of drinking
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You've changed since you got that strap on
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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