I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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