"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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