Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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