I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you traded sex for a burrito?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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