Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize