So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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