dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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