OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize