I want to have your abortion
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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